SAHM vs Time

As a stay at home mom, I think about how my days are going to go by what meals we will have. If it is a crock pot dinner night, I know I need to get that started before noon. If it is not a crock pot dinner day,  then I know I need to start around 3. That is usually how my day gets planned. It works out pretty well except before I know it, I am laying in bed wondering what the hell I did all day.

Sometimes, when we get older, we say things like, I am no spring chicken, or I do not have the energy I once had as a teenager. And I get it! But what fundamentally changed over those years? We stopped going to school. Maybe after high school, maybe after college. But one way or another, we are out of school. School is on a… schedule! We fit so many classes and activities into one school day, why on earth am I only getting dinner cooked and hopefully the dishes are done too.

If I wanted to, I could say well my son needs me all day, he was up my butt, he was so snuggly, he needed me. While some days that is true, most days he wants to be Mr. Independent. So while he is being Mr. Independent, what am I doing?

Probably and terribly, I am on my phone. It’s awful and it’s true.

Let’s thing, ok what would a perfect day look like for me? What are some of the things I would like to do but do not get around to doing for whatever reason?

Here is a list:

Yoga
Exercise
Writing
Photographing an item
Reading
Chant
Go on a walk
Clean.. not that I want to, but its just gotta happen.

OK so those are somethings I don’t do that I would like to do more of. It is almost March. My son is almost 2. I had him almost 2 years ago. And I have done maybe 4 days worth of exercise. Not going to do me any good.

So today my husband took the car and left me the stroller. It is going to be a good weather day so I am getting my son and I outside and taking a walk! After breakfast.. which I need to start soon.

I am writing right now! Started right when I woke up, before my son woke up so I could get some me time.

Maybe the walk will be the catalyst to get my butt on the elliptical I begged my husband for months ago. Thank goodness it was used and not a brand new one, whew.

So if I had to make a schedule for myself, which sounds silly but I think I miss that part of being in school. Not waking up crazy early but my son decides that one. I can decide what happens to the rest of the day.

Wake up at 7
Chant
Write
Ben is up at 8 (mostly)
Chant with Ben
Breakfast
Clean up after breakfast (theres that cleaning I should do more of)
Go for a walk
If crock pot day, start dinner
Color/read/play time
Nap time (for Ben for Ben)
Yoga, right when Ben lays down or else I won’t do it.
Elliptical? We’ll see.
Ben is probably up, if not earlier.
Lunch
Find something we can clean “together”
Start dinner if it is not a crock pot day
Set Ben up with a movie/Sesame Street
Go into studio and photograph
Finish/eat dinner
Bath time for Ben
Bed time for Ben 7:30.

Notice there are not times on here because I have no idea how long these things will take, I may have to take something out if the first things run too long. Or add something if it turns out something did’t take as long! That would be great. But at its core, this is the perfect day!

New months resolutions if you will, to have more days like this. I think this is step one for sure. And now it is 8:09, Ben has been up for like 20 minutes so I am off to start breakfast!

Thanks for reading, have a good day!

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Motherhood

I am a mom. I am a mother of one, and unless the universe decides otherwise, that is how it will stay. Yes, we are “one and done.” This usually befuddles people and they do not hesitate to go into why we should have another baby.

He needs a sibling.

He will be so lonely.

You just HAVE to have another one.

No he doesn’t, no he will not, and No I do not have to have another baby. We have quite a ways to go before we know if we are raising this one right.

I love children! I love babies, I loved being pregnant. I love loving one child. I am already split into mom and wife. And they are very different roles with very different responsibilities.

I would rather be the best mom to one, and the best wife to one, and the best me for me, than keep having babies. Do I miss the baby stage? Sometimes. More often, no. I truly enjoy watching my son learn how climb, even if he does almost give me a heart attack.

But you know what? If he were to have a fall, like a bad and needs me right now fall, I can go to him. What if I have a newborn to nurse and my son takes a fall? Then I hope for the best that he is ok? Or I rip the baby off my nipple abruptly and piss him off?

Some moms, I am sure, say Yes! It will be ok! You will love them both equally. Yes of course I would love multiple children. I would know that I love them, but would they know that? Would I accidentally pick one over the other more often than I think I do? Would tending to ones needs more affect the other? Uh yeah.

I have seen it in my own relationship with my sister. She says our mom raised us differently and yes I think that is true. My mom will say, you two were so different. Yes I believe that is true too.

I guess, I just don’t want to risk it. It is too big a risk. The future of an entire human being hangs in the balance of how I raise him. How I love him, how I teach him. Adding another for what? My selfish desire to hold another baby for 6 months before it starts crawling, standing, walking away from me.

I didn’t have a baby to have a baby. I had a baby to be a mother, to nurture and love and raise a little human life.

I am so glad I wrote that out. That is probably going to be my statement to people when they ask me questions about it. Because they do. In line at the grocery store, or at the mall, at the playground, or most recently, a work Christmas party.

And now, I am a mom. And a wife. And I try to be the best of those very different things every single day.

 

away we go

So that title may be very typical but it does capture how I am feeling about this blog thing. And I do happen to love the movie as well, so really, it is a win win. So ok, why a blog?

I am pretty comfortable writing pen to paper. I love paper. I love watching ink strokes and pencils make their mark but I am in dire need of practice on a keyboard. Just these few sentences have resulted in an embarrassing number of typos and misspelled words. However, no grammatical errors (yet). < That might be one.

Ok hello, my name is Shirley. I am a stay at home mom to an almost 2 year old who in increasingly independent. I am a wife to my wonderful husband who works his butt off so that I can stay home with our son. We met 5 year ago this year.

I am also a Buddhist. Guess how long? 5 years! Yes! I met my husband right after I started practicing Buddhism. Coincidence? Some might say yes, I say no! The universe knew what I needed and walked him right into my store of my miserable job. And even in all my misery, he still thought I was pretty, funny, adorable and asked for my number! In all honesty, what was assumed to be a fling, as I was moving to DC from Philadelphia for a new job, and I did. So it was a fling, then long distance, then only a few months later I was packing everything I owned into the trunk of my car and driving to move in with him!

Here we are, 5 years later with a wonderful toddler and a lovely house in GA. If you had told me my future 5 years ago, I would have yelled and screamed and cried at you because I did not deserve to be this happy, so I thought.

I had made so many mistakes, as I once saw them, but now I see that I needed to do those, to end up here. And here, I am happy. Goofy, stupid happy.

I owe it to my husband and my practice. So now! Ok I am a stay at home mom living the dream! But it is lonely! OMG, so lonely! And finding moms you click with and finding kids your kid clicks with is a circus. I am not sure if there is a perfect balance out there.

Born and raised in Maryland, photography school brought me to Philadelphia, where I met my husband. Photography gave me a few different jobs that I now appreciate everything I learned from each one. My most recent job was a product photographer at a high end consignment eBay store. That is a mouthful.

It was fun, mostly because of my coworkers but all in all, I was not a right fit for the company. I was not as fast as they would have preferred. They were nice enough to move me to a different department when I got pregnant, but alas, pregnant me was most certainly not fast enough at that job either.

But, the highlight of those couple years there was I fell in love with product photography. I fell in love with angles, the challenge that everything was different, the manipulation of the lighting, the fact that a vase didn’t have double chin to be concerned about!

It was fantastic. I got giddy when they brought in plates, paintings, fun vintage toys, oh the list goes on!

My heart was just not in the indulging of consumerism. Discounting a $40,0000 handbag to an affordable $500 was not my idea of helping people.

I am a nurturer. I am not a salesperson. If you don’t need it, I don’t need it and I am not going to make you think you need something you and I both know you do not. That is not where my heart is. Never was. Never will be. So how do I combine both worlds? My love for product photography and helping people?

Etsy. Etsy and even Amazon now have spaces for people who are putting their hearts and souls into creating, designing and making amazing things by hand and bravely putting them out into the world! I want to help them. I want to use my photography knowledge and my love of product photography to showcase their items in the best way possible. So this is my mission. Photographing the well loved and made things that make the world go round with all the love and space I have in my at home studio!

Thank you for taking the time to read this! I really appreciate it.