Motherhood

I am a mom. I am a mother of one, and unless the universe decides otherwise, that is how it will stay. Yes, we are “one and done.” This usually befuddles people and they do not hesitate to go into why we should have another baby.

He needs a sibling.

He will be so lonely.

You just HAVE to have another one.

No he doesn’t, no he will not, and No I do not have to have another baby. We have quite a ways to go before we know if we are raising this one right.

I love children! I love babies, I loved being pregnant. I love loving one child. I am already split into mom and wife. And they are very different roles with very different responsibilities.

I would rather be the best mom to one, and the best wife to one, and the best me for me, than keep having babies. Do I miss the baby stage? Sometimes. More often, no. I truly enjoy watching my son learn how climb, even if he does almost give me a heart attack.

But you know what? If he were to have a fall, like a bad and needs me right now fall, I can go to him. What if I have a newborn to nurse and my son takes a fall? Then I hope for the best that he is ok? Or I rip the baby off my nipple abruptly and piss him off?

Some moms, I am sure, say Yes! It will be ok! You will love them both equally. Yes of course I would love multiple children. I would know that I love them, but would they know that? Would I accidentally pick one over the other more often than I think I do? Would tending to ones needs more affect the other? Uh yeah.

I have seen it in my own relationship with my sister. She says our mom raised us differently and yes I think that is true. My mom will say, you two were so different. Yes I believe that is true too.

I guess, I just don’t want to risk it. It is too big a risk. The future of an entire human being hangs in the balance of how I raise him. How I love him, how I teach him. Adding another for what? My selfish desire to hold another baby for 6 months before it starts crawling, standing, walking away from me.

I didn’t have a baby to have a baby. I had a baby to be a mother, to nurture and love and raise a little human life.

I am so glad I wrote that out. That is probably going to be my statement to people when they ask me questions about it. Because they do. In line at the grocery store, or at the mall, at the playground, or most recently, a work Christmas party.

And now, I am a mom. And a wife. And I try to be the best of those very different things every single day.

 

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