Where My Nerd Moms At?

My son is turning 2, too soon. End of April too soon. No it isn’t too soon, I am happy he is growing up. He is a happy, loves to laugh and go with the flow little boy who eats great and sleeps well, win win!

When I found out I was pregnant, I was over the fucking moon. I was excited for all the things there are too be excited about, making a nursery, buying little clothes and blankets and getting ready!

I was also excited to make mom friends. I don’t know what it was but I just thought to myself I would make comrade types of friendships with moms who had children close in age to my son. We would just bond over loving our kids, teaching them, playing with them, and struggling during the tantrums together.

All I want is for my son to make some friends to grow up with and be friends for the next 20 years. Is that so much to ask?

Yes. Apparently the answer is Yes. I wonder how they did it before the internet. Did they just wait until we went to school and made friends there? Then it didn’t matter if we clicked with the parents, or were parenting our kids just like they were.

Now we join mom groups, local mom groups, “insert how we are parenting” groups so that we are sure to be with people who at least like our parenting style. If you join a local mom group, you chat and ask questions, complain and vent but there is never any actual getting together.

Or maybe there is and just not with me because I suck. I literally refuse to believe that. Sorry, I am funny and friendly dammit!

Turns out, I am mom-nerd? Nerd-mom? I like story times! I like playing with my son on the floor at his level. I know I am not the brightest crayon in the box, I also know that I do not have the money to take my kid to the zoo every other week, or an indoor play jumpy amusement park thing. I tend to hover when we are at the park together, Hi, helicopter mom here.

I don’t like Pinterest. There I said it. I love the idea of ideas of hand making shit, but have literally no desire to do it. It is literally a new level of competition that I find overwhelming. I don’t like to make a big deal about birthdays or holidays.

I want my son to happy with what he has. I don’t want the expectation of things to be huge, you know? Things can be fun and simple and low-key. That’s all I am saying. Trying to be more, bigger is stressful. Stressful parents, stressful kids, stressful marriage and life all together.

I was just talking to a mom who had a Science theme birthday party for her kid who loves science. Even had a scientist come and perform experiments! Sounds awesome! The kid showed zero appreciation. Said it was his mom who likes science, not even him. She said, “I drove myself crazy over that party.”

And here is where, I am sorry, but it is the moms fault. I drove myself crazy. Yes you did. Did you have to? No. Did you want to? Maybe. Why? That I don’t know.

Going above and beyond for ours kids is absolutely in our nature, as mothers but it doesn’t have to mean bigger. Bigger is not better. If you don’t go big, you have nothing to top next year. I hope that makes sense.

Just looking for my mom tribe I guess.

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Confessions

Let’s talk Scary Mommy Confessions. First of all, if you are reading this and do not have kids yet, thinking about having kids, not sure about having kids.. I would go with not reading Scary Mommy Confessions.

I started reading them when I stumbled across them while nursing my son probably a year ago. There are some funny ones. Some positive ones. But mostly, they are scary sad confessions.

I get why they are anonymous and it makes me wish I could HUG every single sad mom out there! And just listen to her. I just want to listen, and let her cry and nod sympathetically and let her get it out of her system, in real life, with real eyes looking back with compassion.

It is said, that mothers are like the sun. The sun of the family. No matter what, her attitude should be the brightest to help brighten the lives of everyone she loves.

Sometimes, the confessions are on the comparing ends of things. Other peoples partners, other peoples kids, other peoples days, job, no job etc. Comparing is evil. It is self destructive.

If mothers are the sun, comparing is a literally a giant rain cloud that everyone notices, everyone picks up on it, everyone feels it, everyone reflects it and the cycle continues. Please stop comparing.

You are loving your kids the best you can and that looks so different for every single mom and parent, no matter how similar some situations may look at first glance.

It can be the most difficult thing to accept our own individual circumstance. Not only accept it, but then to also be happy about it!

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I love this quote from SGI President Daisaku Ikeda. “The plum is happiest when it blooms as itself in full glory.” Right where the plum is, it grows into the best version of itself. That is all it can do. To even think of being something else, would only cause it suffering.

You are who you are where you are when you are.

By embracing all that is around you, all that makes up your life right now, only opens you up for opportunity to grow and be happy.

Once that happens, it is amazing to look back and see how everything happened for a reason, even the times that you were at your lowest and unhappiest.

For a long time, I was that miserable person. After I graduated from Art school, I stayed working in my retail job, I was promoted and once your promoted, you are often stuck, seemingly. I spent a lot of time thinking I had nothing and everything I did have was crap.

I didn’t appreciate anything, and now I deeply appreciate everything. Everything I once considered a waste, I now cherish as part of my history in this life. Looking back on it, I don’t really recognize that person.

I hope that for the people who are “stuck” right now, they do come to a place in their lives where they look back and see that everything happened for a reason. It is the most incredible warm and fuzzy feeling I have ever experienced. Like deja vu but on a cloud.

Find something to be grateful for everyday, kids and parents both should get in on that, together! Teach them early to appreciate anything and everything, no matter how small. Especially the small things!

A forest isn’t built up of one tree. It is several, numerous trees that makes it so!

 

Thank you!

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who stopped by yesterday and took a look around! I enjoyed reading your favorite blogs! Gives me a little insight on maybe what I could put more focus on! The winner was Cat! IMG_2669

Not quite a hat but it was what I had! Thanks again!

Giveaway Time!! Happy Friday!

As part of the Blog Challenge by Mr Jeff Goins, today is giveaway day! Whoop Whoop!

Initially, I was thinking that I could giveaway what I would like to offer to email subscribers but I want everyone to have that opportunity.

With the internet being so virtual, I decided I would do a giveaway of something real, something that I could sent to someone! Because I LOVE snail mail and getting packages in the mail, that I did’t pay for, well that really makes me happy. And that is what I want my blog to be all about, making people happy.

So, this will be short and sweet! I would like to give away a notebook! A fresh, never used, ready for your thoughts and ideas and doodles and stories and poems and anything thing else you would like to put in there!

How do I enter you ask?

Just comment below which of my current blogs is your favorite!

(ok so you have to do a little bit of work)

But here is what you could win!

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It is lovely, and more importantly, BLANK.

So skip around, read a little, let me know your favorite Blog and in 24 hours (3 pm east coast time) I will pick a name out of hat (really do this old school) and announce the winner tomorrow!

Thanks!!

A Simple Exercise on Gratitude by Ana V. Ramirez

There are many benefits to practicing gratitude on a daily basis. You shift your focus to positive things, you become mindful (and bring about) more of the good stuff happening in your life, you reduce stress and anxiety, etc. It’s easy when things are going well to be grateful. But what about when things go wrong? Is that when we throw gratitude out the window and complain about everything?
Being grateful when things are not all sunshine and puppy dogs is challenging, but that’s when it’s most needed. In moments of crisis focusing on the negative will only bring about more negativity—and who needs that?
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So I will share a simple exercise in being grateful that I use when it would be easier to complain. The backstory: I have chronic back pain and last summer it got worse. I have been in and out of physical therapy and it’s likely my doctor will be recommending more drastic measures, such as epidurals, soon. Today my back hurts and there’s pain going down the side of my leg. It frustrates me to no end because it makes it hard to work. And I like my work. But rather than focusing on the pain, I choose to focus on what I can be grateful right here and right now.

Here’s a list of seven things I’m grateful for in no particular order:
I work from home so I can pause and stretch my back often during the day
It’s a beautiful day today—blue skies, a light breeze and a perfect 70 degrees
I had grilled cheese for lunch
My dog is nearby and I can go snuggle him whenever I want (although sometimes he huffs like I’m torturing him) 🙂
My office is looking almost as Pinterest-worthy as I would like
I have time to write a blog post in the middle of the day
A client mentioned additional work I can do for her

I could go on, but will leave it to you for now. What can you be grateful for right now?

 

More from Guest Writer Ana V. Ramirez 

Not only is she a writer, her website is
filled with beautiful decorative imagery!

More Sex, Less Santa

Driving home today, I saw a church sign say “Silly rabbit, Easter is for Jesus.”

Silly people, it is all make believe.

If you are at all religious, I hope you do not stop reading. I am grateful for the fact that here in the US, we have freedom of religion. I can only speak for myself when I say, my son will know more about sex than Santa, or Jesus and most certainly, the Easter bunny.

My husband is very much an ex-Catholic. I am a practicing Buddhist. We have decided to loosely celebrate Christmas, mostly because the rest of our family will buy our son presents even though we ask them not.

Sex is a taboo when it is something very real and should be treated very openly with children. Meanwhile, from their very first Christmas, they hear all about Santa and presents and Jesus and God, all for in just 8 (maybe) years, it to be told it is not real.

Or maybe even come to that conclusion themselves. So all the Santa and elf watching bribery to be good is out the window. In less than 5 years, raging hormones are going, and the thing we have kept a secret from them forever is the thing they are going to be determined to find out about, probably irresponsibly.

So yes, I would rather teach my son about sex over Santa. Sex is something he will have to deal with from age 16-death. Sex is the reason he is on this planet, the reason most of us on are this planet. I am not sure about artificial insemination.. is that sex?

I don’t know what parents cling so hard onto believing in Santa. The movies are fun, sure. But no, he isn’t watching. Parents tell their kids that in hopes they will be good instead of getting to their level and talking with them. Or whatever they are doing isn’t so much as “bad” as it is “annoying” and you tell them to stop being themselves for your sanity. Santa doesn’t want to see you annoying mommy by “insert activity.” Great message.

I am not 100% against Santa. Pictures with Santa, we have done them. Guilty. Did I point and say this guy is gonna bring you a bunch of presents you don’t need? No.

I wish we spent as much time teaching kids about sex than we do lying to them about Santa.

And some would think that is absolutely outrageous and I believe that is because they are chicken shit and too scared to talk to kids about sex. And I got news for ya, some kids, are learning a lot more than they want to about sex in the worst possible way.

Sexual Abuse.

The most evil thing in the universe, in my opinion. Could you imagine if we were actually teaching kids about sex around 2 or 3?

So when, Uncle so and so or friend of the family, or complete stranger starts to make inappropriate contact with children, they know to say Stop Touching my Penis or Vagina!

But do we? No. We make sure they get stupid excited over moving their Elf.

 

Stopping the Cycles of Unhappiness

Happiness.

I want people to become happy. Not just my family, friends, so on, I want strangers to be happy. I am unhappy that so many people are unhappy.

I know unhappiness. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was miserable, angry and did things to make others unhappy. Because well, misery loves company.

You know who loves company even more? Happiness.

I was raised by my mother who did the very best she could! She also happened to be an alcoholic. For years I didn’t know what made her the way she was sometimes. I didn’t know why she would tell me “Shut up, God, your voice goes right through me.” I didn’t know why she was violent toward my step dad or not warm and fuzzy or affectionate. It wasn’t until freshman year of high school that I realized I was being raised by an alcoholic. I swore up and down I would never touch a drop of alcohol because I didn’t want that to be me.

Unfortunately, those years of not knowing and too few years of knowing that did make her do it and that I saw my mother drunk more than I saw her sober, all made me exactly who she was drunk, while I was sober. My nature had become my mothers drunk nature. I didn’t need a substance, I just had that anger and misery in my heart at all times.

And it reared it’s ugly head at every single situation in my life. I do not know how anyone hired me, kept me, dated me, loved me or even liked me. I found the worst in everything, everyone. All day. I became abusive, emotionally and physically.

At 22 years old, moved out of my mother’s house for 5 years, I realized I had become what I didn’t want to be, which led to self hate and depression because I didn’t want to be this way but didn’t know how to stop. Should I go to AA? But I wasn’t drinking. I wasn’t doing anything.

There were no meetings for “I wake up like this.”

Now, at 27, I am happy! Like stupid happy. I married the man of my dreams. I have a wonderful little boy who I just love to watch grow up and learn and explore. We just moved into the perfect house for our little family. I am lucky enough to stay home with my son. And just started a new business that landed a pretty big account two weeks ago!

What happened?

I woke up to the fact that I was the problem. I had let my whole person become a victim of my environment. I was sucked into believing that this is just the way things are, the way they will continue to be. I now know the truth, and I wouldn’t wish that stuck, unhappy mentality on anyone.

I found Buddhism. I learned about cause and effect. I learned about karma, human and family revolution. I learned that I could stop the seemingly never ending cycle of unhappy marriages, horrible parent-child relationships and substance abuse in my family. I have the power to stop years of unhappiness.

I am about spreading happiness. I am about enlightening people to the fact that their happiness is theirs to take control of.

The power that moves the universe, is also the power that is inside of you.

Use it for good.