trustyourjourney

 

When I first started putting words on mugs, I needed some inspiration so I posted on facebook asking people what some of their favorite sayings were. I got a great response and this one, in particular, has always stuck with me. I have probably styled it 20 different ways because nothing seems to do it justice.

Recently, I have struggled with this kind of trust. Everything seems to weigh down and there is no light at the end of the tunnel and it feels like everything is falling apart.

As it may seem that way, I still wake up every day. I still go thru the motions of what I need to do, want to do, am expected to do. Day in and day out. The amazing thing is that nothing is permanent. So what seems like the end of the world today, in 3 weeks or 3 months or 3 years, will be resolved.

The calm that comes over me when I think about things that have happened and that I have already gone thru, how happy I am that those things are over, that is the calm I wish I had while the shit is happening. Trusting your journey means that the bad times will not last forever, but at the same time, nor will the good.

I truly believe in appreciating the good for however long it lasts but knowing that it will not last forever, and trying to endure the bad knowing in my heart that I will grow from this and it too will not last forever.

Once we get thru an obstacle, it is the biggest relief and we want to bury it, be done with it.

But remembering how good it felt to get thru that thing, might help us trust and have faith that whatever the current thing is, will end too and we will eventually feel that way again.

 

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Not Retreating From What Works For You

Good morning! Happy Wednesday! It is a Happy Wednesday. Even if yesterday’s were not so happy. If you know me on facebook or real life, you know that yesterday was a hard day for me.

Not even the whole day! Most of the day was great! Dinner time. Dinner time ruined my whole day. My son is almost 3 and like any other almost 3 year old, he refuses to eat dinner. Breakfast and lunch? Sure! Dinner? Definitely not going to happen. Unless it is a hot dog and mac n cheese, which is what he will be having tonight.

Ok so last night, as soon as he saw what was for dinner, he decided he did not like it. I started to feel super overwhelmed with anger mostly. I cooked, he should at least try it. We will sit here until you eat it. Ok, no movie after dinner, no toys after dinner, sit hear until bed time.

None of these threats worked. In an effort to not lose my shit, oh yeah, I say shit, hope that is ok. In an effort to not lose my shit, I took to FB live in my favorite mom group. Drank my wine and vented about this whole dinner nonsense. Most the women totally got it and talked about their own dinner related struggles.

One mom, however, pointed out that I am probably making a bigger deal out of if than I should be. I put pressure on myself to make my son eat. Is it a “worry” thing? Sure, but he eats all day, I know he is ok, not going to starve. Is it a control thing? This… this is probably more of what it is.

I have noticed my tendency to get angry. I instantly feel icky about myself when I am aware I feel this way and do not know what to do.

So I did what every parent does once in a while. I googled it. How do I stop being an angry parent? I found an amazing article that broke it down step by step, from the very beginning of feeling that inkling of rage. Rage may seem like an over exaggeration, but I assure you it is not. I remember feeling the same type of rage 7 years ago when I was in the worst time period of my life. I also call her, my dragon lady. Hello dragon lady, I feel you still in there and trying to control me again.

stop%e2%80%a8breathe%e2%80%a8listen

The articles steps were clear: Stop, Breathe, Listen.

Stop when you feel it. Breathe to let it go. And listen to yourself, listen to the things you want to say before you say them. Listen to your kid. Listen to the reality of the situation and is it as
bad as you are about to make it seem.

Doesn’t sound too bad. Sounds like how I learned to control it 7 years ago. How did I stop 7 years ago? Magically right before I met my husband, I had been introduced to Buddhism which was like nothing I had ever been taught before.

Talking with a friend who also practices last night, reminded me that one bad dinner should not have taken away from how great yesterday as a whole was. She was right. I had let it take down my whole day.

I say all this to say that if you find something that works for you, do not stop. Even when it seems you have everything under control. You don’t. And that is ok! If you are like me, you might need that support by something bigger than yourself. I chant. Maybe you pray. Maybe you meditate. Good! I am glad you have those things! Your family is glad you have those things!

What solidified it for me was the other day when my husband said to me “Everyone knows when you are not chanting.”

 

And I know too. I feel it. I feel depressed, I feel angry, I feel impatient. Getting started again is so hard. I feel like Spider-Man fighting the venom stuff that takes over his whole body. But with resources and daily practice, we can fight back!

Here’s to fighting for our happiness!img_4359

 

 

 

Warning: Feeling Sappy!

Hello, hello Hey-lloh.

Things have been slow on the blog, there goes a tumbleweed.

But things have been picking up in life!

I opened an Etsy shop, my son started school a couple weeks ago, 5 days a week! Crazy. So now I drop him off at 9:15, run to the post office, come home make an order and pick him up at 12pm! And do it all over again.

He LOVES school you guys. The way home, all I hear, is More School, More School.. over and over and over. Until we watch and finish the Dinosaur movie and then it is More Dinosaur movie, More Dinosaur movie…

Anyways, with him starting school and loving it and I am feeling about the Etsy shop, I am really hoping this becomes a substantial endeavor. But it also makes me think that I do not have very long before Ben really is in school full time and that he is growing up. He already doesn’t need me to rock him while we sing songs before bed. He just jumps right up, hugs his stuffed turtle and Grover and listens to me sing, probably thinking, why are you still singing, Mom?

Tonight we watched the Avengers. We had to fast forward all the times the Hulk was not shown because my son was just saying More Hulk More Hulk. Which was fine because we had to fast forward a lot of the violent stuff too.

I say all this because I do not want to forget. When we first moved to GA and Ben was sleeping in his crib in his own room, struggled with bedtime a little bit. But when we started to read books and sing songs things got better. But then I introduced a “wind down conversation” if you will. We just talk about everything we did that day, what we ate, who we saw, where we went, what we watched, played etc.

And then one day, I made up a poem. Right off the fly and no sleep probably. But I have not skipped saying one day since. And now, at 2.5, my son says it with me. Now that I am not holding him while singing or talking, I see in his face how he immediately started to calm down and long blink his little eyes as soon as he hears the first line.

We all make-up shit for our kids. Songs, dances, poems, whatever. I just don’t want to forget it, or, he forgets it because I love him and it’s our thing and I will probably incorporate into a speech at his wedding! I’m not crying!

I typed it up and here it is. Maybe your baby might like it!

Who knows, babies are so weird.

bensgoodnightpoem

My bedtime poem to my son every night.